strengthening my resolve

After making my first post, I went out with my friends and ultimately decided that I would "only smoke with my friends, and not in the house anymore". I thought it was a step, not blazing my my house, but I realized I was only subconciously creating an excuse for myself to keep smoking. Yesterday, I went out again and smoked at my friend's house. This time, the high was very wierd.. very intense. I thought the weed was laced, but my friends told me they didn't feel anything wierd. I guess I had a mini panic attack as a result of my guilt, and my overall stress in life. I experienced psychosis, felt like everything around me was so surreal. I couldn't even hold a proper conversation with my friends, and had to think of an excuse so I could get into my car and be alone for a bit. I believe this is my body's way of telling me that it's enough. I can't go on smoking like this.

I'm finished.

This is Fucked Up

Ahh shit, how am I going to pull this off?!
I've been smoking weed since I was 14, and have been using it every single day since 16. Going on 20 now, I'm starting to see that what I thought was a short phase has become a four-year ordeal.

I'll be using this blog as a tool to keep track of my progress and serve as a reference whenever I get cravings.

I think ultimately, I'm on a journey to find out who I am, sober. As ridiculous as this may sound to some... it's all I want right now.

Deuces.